Positivity

I wanted to talk about positivity today. Now, don’t run away immediately. There’s nothing I hate more than people who say that I need to be more positive. I’ve heard all about how positive thinking creates a positive reality, and I don’t buy it. It’s come to my attention that I, along with most people, don’t just let moments be what they are. When you’re sad, you should cry. When you’re angry, you should find a private place to scream, but finally, when you have something to be happy about, don’t overthink it. I find myself overthinking things too often. If I find something or someone who makes me happy, I’m always anticipating and assuming that something is about to make it all go wrong. I never allow myself to just be happy in the moment. Maybe that’s what we all miss out on: the moment. Every moment is one that you’ll never get back. Embrace what good is in your life and simply experience it without ever worrying about if it could come crashing down around you because if you don’t, it will pass you by, and all you’ll be left with is a lot of worry and regret. Trust me. I know. I’ve always tried to map out my life until recently. If something didn’t go exactly how I planned it, I freaked out. Last year, I came to the realization that my plan was one that was never going to come true. It was too late for whatever happily ever after I had cooked up in my head, and whatever happily ever after I could have had passed me by because I was too stuck in what ought to be to see the wonderful things that were. No more. I plan to soak up every moment, even the bad ones. We only get one life and one moment at a time. There are just too few to waste, so I say that you shouldn’t strive to be positive, but instead try your best to feel and be present in every moment of your life. At least that’s what I’m going to do.

Souls

So I just finished editing my third book, Wrong Life. I think it’s probably my favorite book out of what I’ve written so far. I could honestly go on about it forever because it’s so personal to me, but I won’t. I would end up spoiling too much, and no one wants to hear about the third book in a series before they’ve read the first and second ones. What I really wanted to talk about today is kind of an odd subject. I want to talk about how I’ve never truly changed since I was a kid. I don’t know if that’s normal or if it’s something that’s kind of odd. I’ve always heard the expression “people change.” Now, when I normally hear it, people are talking about how someone who used to be a terrible person has become so much better and how no one should judge them. That’s not really what I’m talking about, though. Sure, there are bad things that I used to do that I no longer do, and there are bad things that I didn’t do before that I do now. Those are actions. I mean on a much deeper level than even actions. I’m talking about thoughts, desires, and personality. My inner monologue has never changed and neither have the things that I loved. I’ve always struggled to find things in common with others who were my own age. While they were outside playing, I was writing, playing or listening to music, or playing a video game. As we got older those things never changed. Everyone followed a pattern. They went through certain steps that, as far as I can tell, are just the norm. They all acted the same, went to the same parties, pursued careers that they had never said anything about wanting, and then married around the same age. Sometimes, I just wonder. Have I missed a step or is everyone the same deep down. Do our actions change but the core stays the same or am I the only one. My instinct is still to write when I’m hurt, to listen to music when I’m sad, and to live around anything and everything that makes me think. I still dream big. My inner thoughts don’t revolve around something that I consider to be modest, and no I’m not talking about money. I’m talking about life. I still want to write stories that the best of me are in. I want to listen to music that’s passionate and unrealistic to most. Most of all, I still need to be around people who know that their best days are in front of them. I don’t crave normality. I crave something that’s exceptional with someone who is exceptional. When I love, I still love like I’m fourteen, and when I get excited or nervous about something, I still react that same way in my head. It doesn’t always show on the surface, but I’m the same guy that I always was. I need love, passion, creativity, and most of all a little variation every day. I don’t know if that’s normal. Maybe I need to grow up and get with it. It seems like most people have taken the less is more philosophy in life from what I can see. My question to myself and to others is if that is what I’m going to become. Does all passion and creativity eventually get sucked out of all of us or is it a choice. Maybe it’s an act. A part of me hopes that all of our actions change because they must as we get older, but our instincts and our souls stay the same because without those dreams, individuality, and creativity, I don’t know how any of it is truly worth it. That all may come off as depressing. It’s not, though. It’s just a passing thought. The truth is that even if I wanted to change into what I see around me, I couldn’t. I’ve always felt as if who I am is simply in my soul. It’s not changeable, and I didn’t know if others felt this way. A lot of things can alter actions. Religion and people can do these things, but I don’t believe anything can alter instinct. All the good and all the bad are just me, and strangely enough, even if I don’t always voice it, I like all of it. I used to think that we are what we do, but lately I’ve discovered that there could be nothing further from the truth. We are who we are when we go to that secret place in our minds that no one else knows about or at least that’s what I’ve come to believe.   

My Escape

            Today has been really good. For the last few days I’ve been feeling beyond stressed, and I didn’t know why. It was almost like there was a part of me that was gone, and I found myself slipping into an old and familiar state. I was depressed. I felt like I lacked purpose even though my days were filled with many tasks. I’ve had to look back over my old work a lot before I can release my books, and that’s okay, but something kept bugging me. I’ve been spending so much time editing old work that I never have time to create new work. This morning I woke up early and forced myself to write something new. It felt amazing, and I have been in a better mood ever since I did that. Writing has become my escape, and the characters in my stories have become my family. I think that I’m going to write new material every morning for at least an hour because that’s what puts me at peace. All of the editing and all of the effort is so someone else might love my stories, but my time to write is just for me. I can see the characters in an unedited and raw way that I know to be real. There’s no consideration of “if that could really happen” or “if that’s what someone else believes that my character would say” or “if there are too many repetitive words.” It’s just me and my characters in my world. All of that may sound strange to some people, but when I’m writing, I’m home.

            I’ve made another mistake lately, too. I originally wrote because it gave me an escape and it gave me confidence. Lately, I’ve started to pay attention to the expectations of others and even their criticism. I know that constructive criticism is good, but paying attention to all of the negativity and all of the expectations is a mistake. Whether my favorite characters and my world are loved, hated, or ignored by people, they have given me a gift that no other person could. They have given me comfort, confidence, and escape. They have shown me exactly what my value is to myself. That’s all I could have ever asked for.  

Understanding

I’m proud to say that I’m just finishing up with editing my second book in the “Wrong” series, Wrong Time. Yes, I’m going to insert a shameless promotional picture of it in this blog, too. Don’t worry, though. That’s not all I wanted to say today. I wanted to talk about something that is a mystery to most people. Most men don’t know anything about what women want, and the truth is that most women don’t know a thing about what men want. Even as I write this, I find that I am still very clueless about many things about the opposite sex. Men and women think very differently, after all. I suppose my confusion is normal in some areas. This is what I have gathered, though. We think different, and physically we are different. In spite of that, I think that we both want the same things. We just want them in different ways. When a woman truly falls in love with you, you’re probably being that nice guy who only sees her. You pay attention to her needs, do things for her just because, and you’re passionate about her in a way that most people believe to be unsustainable. I think that women want you to be this man always. They fell in love with him, and when you’re passion and effort leaves the relationship, that’s when her love for you starts to fade. Some people say that the passionate part of a relationship is the infancy of a relationship. I disagree. Every day that you’re with the person you love, you should try to show them how you feel about them. You should also feel lucky to be with them. Many people never find anyone who is as great as the person you have. If you can’t love her and make her as big of a priority as you did when you were still young, you have to question what you are doing, and even more, she has to question what she is doing with you. In the same way that women desire to be their man’s highest priority, so do men. Of course, it’s not in the same way. We don’t desire for you to come home with flowers or something like that. We want you to be the same women we feel in love with. Think back to all of the effort that you made while you were dating him. In the same way that he should be making that same effort to be with you, so should you.

            Finally, there are two things that I have to say when it comes to relationships. You are two people who come together as one, but that never means that you are literally one. Men should never be controlling or jealous, but in the same way, neither should women. You can be passionate, but jealousy is a poison that has killed relationships more than any other poison. One final thing to remember is a simple fact. In relationships, you’re either growing closer to one another or you’re growing apart. Make the effort or live to see it end. Live to see yourself alone. Now, I’m not one to preach to anyone about how relationships should be. As a matter of fact, there is still so much that I don’t understand, but I just had some thoughts that I wanted to get out there. We all want to be loved, to feel safe, and to matter. We want to be able to trust, to commit, and to hold someone because without these things, why is life worth living? If I ever had to give any advice to anyone or to myself, I would say that you need to give yourself away every day of your life because if you can’t give away the best of you, then how can you expect someone else to?   

Generations

Generations. What are they? Obviously they’re a new set of people, but that’s not what I mean. The nineties were a time when things were thriving here in America. From what I hear, it was a good time to be in your twenties and just getting started. Today, things are much harder. Good jobs are harder to come by, and in general, if you listen to the news, things suck. What is my generation a product of? This is a great question. Take our president for example. He says that the bad things about his presidency are a result of the selfishness of the nineties and the early two-thousands. Is that true or is it an excuse? I could go on talking, or more accurately arguing, with people about this depending on whether or not they were Republicans or Democrats, but what good would that do? The real question is if this is the attitude that my own generation has started to adopt. Could our problems stem from the people who came before us? Yes, at least some of them could. Does it matter, though? I don’t believe it does. We, and the generation that came before us, are stagnant ones. We are sitting in our own mess and waiting for someone to clean it up because we claim that we didn’t make it. If someone flings dirt on your face, do you simply leave it there until they clean it or do you go wash your face? We are not entitled to anything like we believe we are. This country used to be one of innovators. So many things were invented here, and so many walls were broken down, but now we find ourselves using the same devices that we always have, all while things like racism, abuse, and corruption creep their way back into the foundation of our society. Who is my generation? Well, that hasn’t exactly been decided yet. We don’t have good role models to model ourselves after, but that doesn’t matter. If our society is broken, it’s not our job to point a finger at who we think broke it. It’s our job to fix it. If you can’t find a job, make one. Believe it or not, jobs weren’t always readily available in this country. That’s why we used to have so many innovators. If you want love, find it. If you despise corruption, stop standing for it. Finally, if you want to know who’s to blame, look in the mirror. We all are.

The Grind

I was just sitting around last night and this came to me. Just some random thoughts.

It’s the grind. It’s when you’re in the studio, the gym, or even just sitting behind a laptop while the rest of the world sleeps. It’s when your mind and your body scream that you can’t go on, but you push ahead anyway. It’s a battle against yourself and your own self-doubts. It’s that time when you truly see your worth. It’s when you find out at your core how strong you can be, not based on someone else’s opinion but based on struggle and accomplishment. It’s when you use all the positivity and negativity about your situation to power through a situation that seems impossible to most. It’s where good becomes great. It’s where doubt becomes belief. When the morning comes and someone asks you if you’re ready, it’s why you can laugh, and say always. It’s why when it’s time to perform, you shine. It will make you everything you ever are, and only those who love it will ever be able to say that they are great at their craft. It’s the grind, and if you don’t respect it, you’ll be left behind.  ~ Mitchel Grace

I just finished completely editing my first book, "Wrong Place." I feel so relieved to finally be done with it. It was strange to read back over it. I've always been the type of person to doubt myself, and yes, I've heard all the stereotypical things about how if you don't believe in yourself no one will, but that's just how I've always felt. This experience was different, however. I don't know how others will receive my work, but I really liked the story I wrote, and maybe that is all that matters. If I met the characters in my story in real life, I would want to know them and be friends with them. That's more than you can say about a lot of real people in the world. I know I shouldn't get too excited, though. I do have five more books to edit, after all, but I just can't help but be excited. Soon, all of this is going to be out there for anyone to read. It's scary, but for the first time in my life, I feel confident in something because no matter what anyone else thinks, I know that I've done quality and original work. Well, that's my little rant for the night. Whoever is listening, thanks, and here's an image of my first official book for anyone who hasn't checked out my Facebook page. Can't wait!

Using Negativity

            Have you ever had one of those days when everything goes wrong? You know, that day when you step outside and suddenly it begins to pour, or maybe that day when you realize that someone who is supposed to be your friend is trying to sabotage you. Yeah, without being too specific, let’s just say that I’m right there. Yesterday was great, but I suppose it would have been too much to ask for that vibe to continue. Oh, well. I think I’ll throw all of this negative energy into something that I can turn into a positive. That’s the great thing about writing. Are you feeling happy? Well, today is the perfect day to write that comedy scene that you’ve been trying to write. Are you feeling romantic? Write a scene that shows how people should love each other. Then, there are the bad feelings. Are you feeling hurt or betrayed? Maybe you feel like you could kill someone or maybe you even want to cry. That’s perfect. You can artificially create comedy and even romance from time to time, but you can’t fake pain. There is just something so freeing about taking everything that you feel inside and placing it on a piece of paper and then letting it go. I think people can see that pain, too. That pain might be the best part of your book, and putting it into your book might just save your life. I don’t really know what the point of this blog was. I started off writing because I was mad, but now I have direction. I guess if I had to give this entry purpose, it would have to be to say one simple thing. Don’t ever let your world, or some of the people in it, make your actions negative. Use all of that pain and turn it into fuel to do whatever you love better because nothing is better than using someone’s doubt about you to prove them wrong. 

Thoughts for today...

            I’ve only got a couple of things to say today. The first is actually pretty obvious. Editing is hard . . . no seriously, it’s extremely hard. After you finish a book there’s this really surreal moment when you think, “Wow, I’m actually done with this.” Then you look over the first chapter and think, “Oh, crap! I’m going to be here forever.” I’ll get it done, though. I just need some really good music and a lot of caffeine. The other thing on my mind is actually about something a little off the wall, but at the same time, it’s pretty amazing to me. Back in January, I remember having a conversation with my mom about the fact that I didn’t really have anything to feel pride about in our area. I even pointed out that we’ve never had a professional sports team win a championship around here. I know that many people may not be into basketball, and it might still be very early to count on anything happening, but it almost seems like the stars have aligned for the @Memphis Grizzlies. Back when we beat the Clippers and Russell Westbrook got hurt, I felt like we had a good chance, but now I feel even more optimistic. For the first time in my lifetime, we have a team to follow in this area that we can be proud of because they are winners and not because we are simply going for them because they’re “our team.” I never thought I would see the day, but I’m actually proud, and just between me and you, I think we stand a better chance than most people give us if we do make it to the Finals.

            One last thought. The new Star Trek movie came out today. I’ve never been a fan of Star Trek, Star Wars, or in general, most movies similar to them, but I’m really getting tired of my day consisting of just hitting a bunch of keys and making up stories. Sure, I love writing, but everyone needs a change of pace every once in a while. I think I’ll go to the movies tonight and let someone else tell me a story for once. You know, take some mental health time. No . . . that doesn’t sound lazy, does it? Anyway, I’m going to get back to working, but I thought I would leave a few random thoughts here today. Thanks for listening.

Time

I’ve never blogged before, so this is all new to me. I’m hoping for this to serve as a place to chronicle my writing process, and show my journey to getting my books out there. Don’t worry, though. I’m not going to go on and on about my books on here. Hopefully, this will serve as an outlet for me to release some of the joy and frustration that comes with everyday life. I also hope to make plenty of new friends along the way. Since this is my first post, I’m going to make it short and sweet, but before I go, here’s a little advice, and you can take it for what it’s worth. I’ve found that it’s true in my own life. Work hard at the things that you love and for the people who you love, because when you do, every day is filled with a little joy. It will also still be filled with a lot of pain and heartache, but by the end of the day, you will be able to sleep easy, because you’ll know that you truly lived a day to the fullest. Life is too short to be wasted on pursuits that are someone else’s passion or on people you aren’t passionate about. It took me nearly twenty- five years to realize that, but now I’m no longer wasting the most precious thing of all. I’m not wasting time.