The Only Real Judgement

It’s the eve before my release of Destiny, and I feel really good. Most of the time, I feel nervous about now. I start wondering how my new book will be received. Will people like it? Will it sell well? Am I making a huge mistake by putting it out there for everyone to see? It’s easy to let those thoughts creep in, and I’ve been guilty of it so many times in my life. Today is different, though. Today I don’t need approval or sales. I welcome those things, but I don’t need anything more than I already have right now. I know Destiny is exactly what I intended it to be. I can’t predict the future. People might love it, and it could be the greatest thing I’ve ever done. Then again, it might not click for everyone, and people might wonder why I was making such a big deal about it. Here’s the thing, though. It doesn’t really matter. I’m incredibly proud of Destiny. I think it’s the best thing I’ve ever written, and honestly, I think it’s one of the best things I’ve ever read. Maybe I’m not supposed to say that. We’re supposed to be humble and care about what everyone else thinks. As a matter of fact, most of us spend the majority of our lives doing just that. We base our entire lives around what other people think. Don’t believe me? Think about what motivates your decisions. Why did you go into the field you went into? Why do you dress the way you do? How often do you change the way you act around different friends? Do you worry about your appearance? Do you let the criticism of others sting and linger until their opinion becomes one with yours, and you find that your opinion of yourself is skewed? I know I did. You see, this blog isn’t just about Destiny. It’s also about life. I’ve spent most of my life caring about if people thought I was smart enough, attractive, funny, and creative. I never once asked myself what I thought. Their opinions caused me to form my own view of myself. When I was praised, I held my head up high, and when I was criticized, I felt like I was worthless. I felt every which way depending on who I was around and what I was doing. I’ve felt too fat and too skinny, too brainy and too dumb, and maybe most of all, like I had something significant to contribute to this world and like I was completely useless. I allowed everyone else’s warped opinions of who I am to define my own view. The silly thing is that most of them didn’t even know me very well. As a matter of fact, the people who do know me are actually a source of inspiration and confidence building.

You might be wondering what the point is, so here it is. I’m in a different state of mind. How you think I look, talk, act, or even just how smart you think I am doesn’t matter to me. Maybe it’s supposed to, but it just doesn’t. I’m proud of who I am. Sure, I’m imperfect, but I think I’ve spent far too long focusing on that. Here are the facts that I used to never let myself see. I’m attractive, creative, I have an IQ well above average, and I have a sense of humor so good that I even laugh at my own jokes. ;) I also wrote a book in Destiny that no one else could. That’s not to say it’s the greatest thing ever written because that’s probably not true, and to assume it would be pretty arrogant. Here’s the thing, though. No one could write that book from my unique perspective. It’s mine, and it’s completely honest in how it’s told. In the same way, every one of you have a unique beauty and wit about you. You also have so many stories to tell, whether they’re through books or some other creative medium. That creativity inside of you isn’t perfect, and many people might even see it as flawed, but it’s everything it’s supposed to be. It’s beautiful, and it can never be replicated by another person. That’s the amazing thing about us. There are 7 billion people on the planet and every one of us is different in some way. I find that we try to be normal far too often, though. We try to shape our look, speech, and dreams based on what society tells us is normal, but on a planet where every person is unique, what exactly is normal? I don’t really think there is such a thing, so here’s what I’m proposing. Be creative in your own unique way, celebrate the body God gave you, and find the good in every area of yourself. It’s there. It’s just buried under what people have said you are. When you stop letting their views affect you, life becomes so much better. What you are won’t always be celebrated by everyone, but it’s a really freeing feeling when you finally accept that it’s okay for that to be the case and just be who you were always meant to be. Be proud, be creative, and most importantly, don’t ever let someone else define one look, opinion, or dream.

Destiny Entry 3

   The next blog in this Destiny series is about something that we all know a thing or two about, but I didn’t really know as much as I thought until a few days before I started writing this book. This is about passion, and no, not like the kind of passion you have for your favorite NFL team. This one is about when you have a burning passion for someone else. Now, I know what that sounds like. It probably sounds like I’m talking about sex, and that’s definitely a factor in passion, but there’s so much more to it. Before I was writing this, I went out on a date with a girl. I had just got out of a…well . . . something. I’m not clear if it was a relationship or not . . . Anyway, the new girl I went out with was incredibly beautiful. As a matter of fact, she was the prettiest girl I’ve ever been out with. There was one problem, though. Nothing clicked. I acknowledge that she was gorgeous, but I wasn’t attracted to her at all. Until then, I had thought of passion as a more physical thing. I, like most guys, really paid attention to how someone looked. I’m not knocking that even now, but here I was with the prettiest girl in the room, and I didn’t want to be there. I didn’t want to kiss her, talk to her, or anything else. That experience went into how I wrote the next few chapters of Destiny.

   Eric and Olivia are very passionate about each other as they grow up, and that extends to a lot of areas. They find each other attractive in a physical way, but it’s so much more than that. I made these characters’ relationship in the way that I felt it could be filled with the most passion, but that didn’t involve Eric developing into a muscular man or Olivia looking like a supermodel. It involved their lives being so intertwined that they were a part of each other. Eric would do anything for her, and she would do anything for him. Notice how I said they would do anything for each other, and that wasn’t contingent on anything. That’s what passion is. It’s doing anything to make the person you love smile. It’s them being the first person you think of in the mornings and the last person who crosses your mind as you fall asleep. It’s letting them be the motivation for your actions. For my people who think of passion as a sexual thing, it is sometimes. I’ll admit that with no problems, but let me ask you something. What person would you rather be with: the person who’s very passionate about having sex with you, or the person who’s actions are completely dictated by what makes you happy and brings you pleasure? I know what my answer is. If a person is passionate enough about you that most of their actions revolve around bringing you happiness, then they’re going to be your best friend, most romantic date ever, and I can guarantee you that the passion in the bedroom will take a much deeper and romantic tone. When you find two people who are truly passionate about each other in this way, you get pure fireworks. That’s what I want, and that’s how I wrote these characters. I want someone I can put all of myself into making laugh, loving, and pleasing, and I want them to be just as into me as I am into them. To me, that’s what real passion is. It’s not about how you look or even sex. It’s about the connection that makes us want to do anything we can to make another person feel as happy as we can.

   These chapters of Destiny are about deep kisses and realizing that you love every part of someone unconditionally. It’s about flames that might burn out but can never be rivaled or forgotten. For me, they’re a reminder to never let a moment pass by that you could be showing a person you’re passionate about how much they mean to you. We often forget what love and passion are. They’re not about pleasure. They’re about giving away yourself to someone so they can experience all the joy, love, and ecstasy they’ve already given to you.

Destiny Entry 2

   This entry is going to be a little about the new book and a lot about life in general. When I got past the first few chapters in Destiny, I found that my main character wasn’t quite the standard good guy. Now, I don’t think he was bad at all, but he was faced with hard decisions like we all are. Sometimes you have to do the wrong thing to get what you want, but how do you know when to do that? Is wrong always wrong, or are there exceptions? I think finding the answer to that and owning your actions is part of becoming an adult, and Eric learned the same lesson I did a long time ago.

   Sometimes life isn’t about how right or wrong you are. It’s about what you’re willing to be wrong for. I know what you might be thinking. For some, wrong is always wrong. I get that. No justification you make will turn a wrong into a right, but no one is perfect. If you’re going to be imperfect, then maybe you should pick what you’re willing to be imperfect for. Who or what would you lie for, fight for, and even die for? Whose life would you destroy to make the world right for someone else? It’s a hard question, and I would like to tell you there’s always a right path, but that’s not necessarily true. At times, you have to get your hands dirty. Sometimes when you look into the mirror, you might not even be able to recognize the person staring back at you because of what you’ve done. The key isn’t to be perfect, though. It’s weighing your actions and knowing that it was all worth it. Every wrong eventually catches up to you. Can you live with the consequences, and maybe most importantly, will you try to make things right in the long run? That’s what growing up is really about to me. It’s not about being able to tell right from wrong, always doing the right thing, or even learning to play fair. It’s about learning to pick your battles. Nine times out of ten, you should do the right thing and be the nice guy/girl because the consequences of your actions just aren’t worth it, not to mention that you might just be destroying someone else’s life with your selfishness. What about that other ten percent of the time, though? What about when doing the wrong thing can give you or someone else exactly what you deserve? Maybe the wrong thing will produce even better results for everyone in the long run. Know when to act, when to be still, and when to apologize. That’s the last part of the lesson you learn when growing up. Even if you have a perfectly good reason for doing the wrong thing, when it all catches up to you, the most important part of being a man is admitting that you’re wrong. That doesn’t mean you have to regret your actions, and it certainly doesn’t mean you have to let someone run you down for them, but it does mean that you have to acknowledge who you’ve stepped on to get to where you are and try to make it right. Sometimes we have to do some horrible things to get the right results for the people we love, our kids, friends, or even just to get ahead in work. In the right circumstances, that’s understandable. It’s never okay, and it will come with problems later on, but ask yourself two questions before going into something you know is wrong. The first is why am I doing this, and the second is who is this for. Answer honestly, and you’ll know exactly what you should do.

   To sum it up, I’m not encouraging anyone to do the wrong thing. I’m simply saying this. You might have to step on someone else to get the person you love or get the job that will give you a better life. That might be worth it and completely understandable, but don’t let that absolve you of your responsibility to the person you just stepped on. Be the person who goes after what’s meant to be theirs, but also be the one who has enough wisdom to take a step back and say you’re sorry. Otherwise, you might just find that you’re the bad guy in your own story.

Destiny Entry 1

   As some of you already know, I have an upcoming title named Destiny that I’m very proud of. I’m happy to say that it will be coming out next. I’m currently polishing it and coming up with a marketing campaign. While I do that, I want to let everyone who reads my blog in on this project, though. I’ll write several entries to do with this subject in the coming days, and I hope they give you insight into why this has been a project that’s meant so much to me.

   The idea for Destiny all started when a woman asked me what my favorite movies were. I named off all types of things because that’s just who I am. I love action, horror, thrillers, sci-fi, and even romance. When I mentioned The Notebook as one of my favorite movies, she thought it was a little funny, and I’ll admit I felt kind of ashamed. There’s nothing like letting a woman know on the first date that you’re a total softy. :) Anyway, I started thinking after that day about the things I really liked and realized that action and suspense are entertaining, but what really excites me is relationships. I wanted to write a book about something very simple but yet infinitely complicated. It would have to be a big project because it’s hard to tell the story of someone’s entire life, but I think I did it in a very good way that I can be proud of.

   The first part of Destiny concentrates on a fourteen year old Eric Wilson who visits some relatives in Wisconsin and meets the most amazing person. I don’t want to spoil anything from the book, but it was so great to show those years in a character. They’re awkward and filled with comedy, but at the same time, they’re so filled with love. We’re innocent at that age. Love is pure, and there aren’t so many expectations. We haven’t been burned yet, so things can just be what they are without jealousy or suspicion. The first few chapters really brought me back to a place I took for granted when I was fourteen. All the growing pains, the discovery of who I was and wanted to be, and the ability to love without trying were all a part of my life then. It was a wonderful time, and I think these chapters shine so much because of that. You laugh and fall in love with two characters who have no idea how complicated life can get. All they know is that they love each other.

   At its heart, this story is a romance, but it’s also so much more than that. I think I did a good job of showing a complicated family dynamic, puppy love, and what it means to grow up in these chapters. Those are the themes of the early parts of Destiny, but maybe none of that matters. Maybe all that’s important to the reader is if it entertains. I can’t say for sure that everyone will love Destiny, but I can say this with certainty. Every time I read the first four chapters of this book, I smile a little and get taken back to what it was like to be an awkward fourteen year old who found someone who could appreciate him in all of his awkwardness.

   I hope all of you will check out my future entries involving Destiny and just my life in general. Eric Wilson and Olivia Winters’ stories are almost ready. In some ways, this is really my story, though. I was so comfortable in writing action that I never thought I would do something like this, but when I actually tried it, I found that a slice of life book with a romance that was flawed but beautiful was exactly where I felt at home. I have a new genre to write in now, and I think it might be my main niche from now on.