Monday, August 25, 2014

Doing Nothing At All

   I was watching a television show last night, and something one of the characters said really resonated with me. He said that he had a lot of people to do something with, but he wanted someone to do nothing with. At first glance, that statement might be confusing or even sound like it doesn’t make sense at all, but it describes a familiar feeling for me. I have friends to hang out with and family to love and help me. I even have acquaintances who would drop what they were doing to come do something fun for the day. Overall, I’ve been fairly lucky when it comes to the people I’ve met, but I’m searching for something more. What about finding that one person who wants to be with you even when nothing interesting is going on? Maybe you’re having a bad day, or maybe you’re too tired to even think about doing something exciting. Who wants to sit with you silently and just enjoy everything that is you when nothing at all exciting is going on? That’s what I crave most in life. I want that kind of relationship. It isn’t always an exciting one, but I think it’s deeper than any other kind. It isn’t really logical either, but it’s one of those few things in this world that are so perfectly inexplicable that no one questions it. I need that.
   I’ve been thinking about this for a while, but I haven’t been able to put into words what I’ve been feeling. That sums it up perfectly, though. The person I’m looking for will be able to enjoy the best moments but also be content in the moments that are filled with a lot of nothing. It might sound boring, but doing nothing is starting to sound a lot better to me these days. Books don’t write or sell themselves, and nights out with friends are rewarding but sometimes exhausting. As a matter of fact, it feels like the hustle and bustle of life can be overwhelming at times. I would miss not writing or not having time with friends, so don’t think I’m saying those are bad things. Work and play help give us purpose, but I crave those quiet moments when all the noise just stops, and you get to spend some time with the person who really matters to you most…doing anything or nothing at all because it doesn’t matter. As long as you’re with her, you’re home.

   I don’t know if any of this makes sense the way it does to me, but I’m searching for something. Maybe it’s right in front of me, or maybe it’s going to take years to find a person who is fulfilled with who I am and nothing more. I don’t know, but I do know this. I’ve figured out what I want in life. It’s simple. I need simplicity. It’s a really underrated thing these days. I don’t need a million dollars, fame, a supermodel girlfriend, or the most friends. I’m not knocking any of those things, but I need the drama of yesterday to simply fade away and give way to something new. In the past, I’ve had a bad habit of overanalyzing situations. I tend to think of any way that things could go wrong and worry about it. I’ve done it with books, friendships, relationships, and even with my personal walk with God. I think it’s time for a fresh start, though. I’m going to write, be a friend without thinking of who it’s with, love without expecting, and be the best person I can possibly be without focusing on the failures I’ll undoubtedly encounter. It’s what I need. It’s not exciting, and it doesn’t involve drama. In a lot of ways, it’s perfect, though. I’ll write what I love and not worry about what a single soul thinks of it. That, within itself, is going to be a relief, and at the end of the day, all any decent writer can do is write what’s in their soul. How could I ask anything more of myself? I’ll also love in a realistic way. I’ll find the good qualities in the people around me and find ways to spend time with the people who truly love me. That’s the amazing thing about love. It’s not about what a person can do for you. In some ways, love is born in silence. It’s grabbing a hand, a look, a realization, and a contentment that can’t be explained by anyone. It isn’t born in the moments where we’re at our loudest or at the most exciting times. It’s born in those quiet moments when we realize that we would rather be sitting with one certain person doing nothing than be anywhere else in the world.

Saturday, August 23, 2014

The Unseen Cover Reveal

    I want to share some information about my brand new book with everyone. The Unseen: A Broken Mind is a spy thriller that puts a high emphasis on action, love, and extremely complicated relationships. It features everything you would expect in a spy novel, but I made a real effort to make all of my characters human. There are no perfect James Bond style characters in this one. It was fun writing it because this book has a lot of twist and turns. Instead of sticking to one location or central theme throughout, I was able to keep the book constantly moving in a new direction. For people who love a fast pace and hate getting bogged down by filler, I think this book will be right up their alley. I know when I wrote it, I was afraid that it might be too fast paced, or that some of my decisions with the characters might overcomplicate the story, but after reading it, The Unseen felt like it did exactly what I set out to do. This is a great first chapter in a series that I hope to come back to again and again. It’s more mature than my past books in some ways, but still keeps the elements that I love so much about Wrong, Strange Visions, and The Divide. This is an action book, but at heart, it’s about what all books should be about - strong and relatable characters. I can’t wait to share it with everyone on the 28th.


    I’m going to be revealing the cover below, so take a look, and tell me what you think. The only true theme of this book is how mind shattering the circumstances that my main character, Drew Matthews, gets into. The cover is simple, but I think the shattered glass serves it well.
    Thanks to all who have supported me in the past. I hope you’ll all check this one out and see how much I’ve grown as a writer and a person over the last year and a half. I can’t say that my work is perfect because I’m always going to be learning more and getting better, but I’m proud of this one in a different way. In the past, I’ve felt like my books were so intimate to me that I was simply proud of them because I could put those thoughts out there. With this one, I’m proud because I feel like it’s good work. It still has sprinkles of myself throughout it, like all of my books, but it’s more than that. It’s an example of how much I’ve grown over a very short time. I think that’s what I’ll remember about this series. It wasn’t written at a time that I was still figuring everything out. It was written in a time when everything was finally coming together. I think the sureness I feel in my personal life has shown through on these pages, and I hope The Unseen: A Broken Mind is every bit as entertaining to you as it was for me.

Friday, August 15, 2014

Your Journey

   I just wanted to write and let everyone know how things are going. The house is starting to come together. There were a few things that had to be done to it, and I had a lot more things than I thought, but it’s almost finished now. For a while there, I was starting to wonder if any of this was worth it. I had this house that I had seen so much potential in, but when we actually started working on it, it didn’t seem like it would ever be how I pictured it in my mind. Maybe my fantasy of what my place would be like was just that, or at least it was starting to seem that way. Fortunately, I’m starting to see glimpses of what I pictured in my mind. The living room is coming together nicely. My office is almost exactly how I pictured it, and the bedrooms are incredible. The media room is even better than I thought it would be. I still have some work to do. A lot of chemicals need to be put in the pool, and one room still has to be painted, but I see it now. That’s a rare thing for me. I’m somewhat of a dreamer. I think up ideas and write them down, but I never get to actually experience them outside of my stories. Things are starting to change in that area. My ideas are finally taking shape, and it feels really good. It’s not a big deal for some people, but the last year and a half have meant the world to me. I’ve gotten to see characters in my head turn into something concrete. There was nothing like being able to hold my first book in my hands and know that it was the representation of everything I had dreamed about for so long. This is similar. I had an image of what life should be like. I should have success, a house, and someone special. The success part is coming along slowly but surely. There are no guarantees in writing, and I’m still teetering on the edge of knowing whether this will be my lifetime career, but I can see how it could be. With every day, that dream gets closer. I have the house I needed, and things have been more promising in the hunt for finding someone great. I’ve been concentrating so much on books and houses over the last year and a half, so I feel like that journey is just getting started. Still, it shows promise. I can see an outline of how it should be, and for the first time in a while, I’m hopeful in the three major areas of my life.
   You might wonder why I’m writing about this. After all, I’ve talked about books, goals, and relationships a lot. Here’s the truth. This blog is very new for me. I’ve always known how things should be in my life, but it always seemed like a very far away goal that was unattainable for someone like me. I’ve always thought I deserved good things and people in my life, but I never had the confidence to know that I could make that a reality. Even now, I have doubts, but they’re fading. Like I said, I can see it all coming into focus, and surprisingly, I love it. I’ve almost made this place exactly what I need, and writing could be a lifetime job with promise. I’ve got one down and another that I’m starting to believe in. As for the final goal, it can finally get the focus it always deserved now.

   I probably could have written something political or deep on here today, and I really thought about it, but I wanted to tell everyone something simple. It can get better. Life is a struggle more often than anything, but every once in a while, you get glimpses of exactly what you’re working for. It’s those moments when you remember why you’re doing everything you’ve been doing. I guess what I’m saying is this. Hold on. I’ve had night after night where it seemed like my dreams were nothing more than wishes. I had a plan, but that seemed to mean nothing. I had worked, prayed, and even pleaded for what I felt like I deserved. Life usually gives you what you need a little late, but if you’ve already stuck it out this long, there’s no need in checking out or quitting on your dreams before you finally get to see the reward at the end of a long project or search. I’m not at the end yet, but I am at a unique point that makes it all worth it. I can see the finish line, and for the first time in a while, I know it all means something. Remember that. It all means something. Your hopes and dreams don’t die until you completely quit on them. Take one step toward your ultimate goals every day, and don’t make the mistake I used to. This isn’t a race. Don’t think you’re going to get to where you need today or even this year. Work hard, but take time to truly take in all you’ve done. If you really look at where you started instead of how far away from your goals you still are, you might find that you’ve gone a lot further than you ever thought you could. I’m over halfway. I’ll continue to make new goals, so my race will never truly be done, but it can be amazing to truly see how much ground you can cover if you simply let yourself enjoy the journey to your destination.

Friday, August 8, 2014

Updates On My Life

   From time to time, I like to let everyone in on what’s going on with me and my projects, so here goes.
   First, my closing date on my new home is today. I know to some people it might be ordinary to buy a home, but for me it’s a big deal. It’s my first house, and I like it. I don’t see any reason why it couldn’t be my last one. I honestly never thought this day would come, though. Throughout this process, closing has been delayed a couple of times for reasons beyond my control. It’s okay, though. I’m about to have my dream home in a great location.
   The second thing I want to talk about is The Unseen: A Broken Mind. It’s coming out on August 28th, and I’m shaping it up right now. The main thing I’ve had to do is cut unnecessary material. It’s well edited, but there are a few more last minute details to attend to. The Unseen will be similar in length to Wrong Place. (Slightly longer) In this one, I went for quality over quantity, and I think I achieved that. I can’t wait to kick this trilogy off with a bang!
   The second book I want to talk about is Wrong Visions Vol. 2. It certainly doesn’t suffer from a lack of quantity. In fact, since the last time I updated everyone on this project, it has completely changed. I thought it was going to be three short stories and one long one just like in volume one. The first volume was in the 90,000s in word count. This one is going to be around 170,000, or at least that’s where it sits right now. It’s grown because I simply keep adding in new stories and ideas. I expect to be able to shrink it some before it releases in late September but not by much. I’m really proud of this volume, and I think it will give readers a good quality product with plenty to read over and over again.
   Now, for the final book I want to talk to you about. The second Unseen is shaping up nicely. It’s already written, and I think it’s just as good as the first. The two books feel totally different from one another in some ways, but it’s the perfect bridge to a final chapter that brings all the issues from the first and second book together into a finished package. I haven’t finished writing the third and final one yet, but I’ve got a rough map in my mind of how everything’s going to happen.
   After I’m done with the new volume of Wrong Visions, who knows what I’ll do? I might come up with a completely new series to write in, or I might try my hand at writing another single book. I would love to do something similar to The Divide again, and if I ever write another series, I want to do something similar to Strange Visions again. It won’t be about psychics, but I would love to explore younger characters again. I can’t imagine that I won’t ever return to the Wrong Visions series either. I hope that the end of Vol. 2 provides some closure because it could be quite a few months after September until I can even think about writing a 3rd volume. Books aren’t the only things on my mind either. I want to branch out a little and pursue some new things. I’ll tell everyone about that at a later time, though.
   That’s everything that’s going on in my world. I hope to have more updates for you soon and new projects to reveal. I’m going to start work on the final Unseen soon while simultaneously editing on everything that’s already finished, so I’m going to be extremely busy. Still, life could be worse. I do something that I love, and I’m about to have the house I’ve wanted for quite some time. Things are looking up for once, and I can’t wait to see what happens tomorrow.

Saturday, August 2, 2014

A Return To Normal

   I want to let everyone in on a part of my past that I don’t talk about often. I haven’t always been the person I am today, and it’s been a long road to becoming someone I can be proud to be. So let’s start.
   When I was eighteen, I had no direction. I was easy going, but I think it was only because I had a quick drink or a bite of food that wasn’t so good for me every time life threw a curve ball at me. When I was 21, I wanted to leave that part of my life behind me, though. I wanted to meet life head-on and never use something as a crutch again. I left any type of addiction or crutch behind, and as a result, I had to part with some friends who didn’t understand the new me. My faith in God became stronger daily. I had always believed in God, but I had never started living for Him until this point.
   Throughout the first three and a half years of living my new life, I focused on being better as a person. I still didn’t have much direction, and I honestly didn’t know what I was going to do with my life, but I wasn’t worried. I learned to let the little things roll off and put the big things out of my mind until I had a way to fix them. It worked great for a long time, and I was happy. Something has changed lately, however. I’m not returning to a lifestyle where I use food or drinks as a way to cope. Instead, I’m having a “hard time coping” period. It’s gotten harder to not care about the bad things and people in my life. For example, the closing date for my home has been moved back, thanks to some technical issues. I’ve had to delay furniture from being delivered, as well as put my whole life on hold for another week and a half, and honestly, it’s all very senseless. To say the least, I’ve been aggravated. Then there have been many other things that have gone on this week that are private, but I can tell you now . . . they’re not good. Most people would say that I need some relief in the form of a meal, a pill, or a drink. I want to return to how I was just one year ago, though. There was a time when a week and a half wouldn’t have been a big deal, and I could have simply severed ties with the less than good people in my life without thinking twice. I want that again. I’m better now. I’m not perfect, but I generally stand for what’s right and try to live the way I should. That doesn’t mean I have to care about things that are beyond my control or care about people who are a lost cause, though. I can’t control people, sales, or world events. No matter how much I think my house should already be mine, or wish that I could sell a million books, or maybe even just wish that people were a little better, I can’t control that. All I can control is me, so that’s all I’m going to concentrate on for a while. I guess I figure that I might need to close my eyes to the bad for a while and learn not to care anymore because what else can I do?
   That’s the main thing I wanted to let everyone know. I come from a place of weakness, as most of us do, but I’ve become better. As a matter of fact, I’m getting better every day. That’s what I’m going to choose to focus on moving forward. That way, every disappointment or person who doesn’t fit in my life will be nothing more than a passing shadow to me. I trust that the good people and things will find me along the way, but if they don’t, I think it’s okay to find peace with simply doing you for a while. That’s what I’m telling you guys. I’m going to do me for a while, and I think I’m going to be better as a result. Maybe if we all concentrated on being better ourselves and shutting out anyone or anything that was less than what we needed, the world would be a lot better place. It would force us to be better, and when we finally choose to raise our heads, we might just see a group of individuals who are focused, happy, and generally good.