Who I Really Am

   I thought I would tell you guys something really basic today. I want to tell you who I am. You may say something like, “I already know you. I’ve been following your blog for a while now, and all you ever do is talk about yourself.” I would deserve that one. I do talk about myself a little too much, but today I want to give you guys a better description of who I am. You already know that I write books, but I want to tell you who I am as a person and what I believe will define me in the long run.

   If I’m going to start telling you who I am, then I have to start here. I have faith in God. It isn’t always as strong as I would like it to be, and I fail at being the person I feel like I should be for Him more than I succeed, but faith is a huge part of my life. Now, before you all run out of here because you think that this is going to turn into a Sunday morning sermon, don’t. I’m not about to tell you what you should believe. I just think that if you want to know me, you have to know what comes first in my life, or at least what I’m trying to make first in my life. My faith in God affects every decision I make. I’ve formed relationships and broken them off based on my faith, and I’ve even written books based on them. No, I don’t write Christian books, and some of my novels have minor curse words and implied sex in them, but there are certain things in literature that have been growing more popular like erotic books and the overuse of certain words. I try to steer clear of things of that nature as much as possible. Sure, I don’t want my characters to be sexless robots or for them to say something strange like ‘cheese and crackers’ when a normal person would curse, but I want people to be able to read my books from all walks of life. If you’re thirteen and you want to read something, I want you to be able to, and if you’re seventy and you want to read a good book, I want you to be able to enjoy my books, too. Maybe most importantly, in everything I do, including writing, I want love to show through in it, and probably not the kind of love that most people are used to seeing or reading about. I believe in deep love because that’s what my faith has always led me to. I believe in the type of love that comes with connections that last a lifetime. That’s the type of love that God has given to me, and it’s the type of love I seek out from family, friends, and women. If people can see that unconditional love in me or how my characters act, I feel like I’ve succeeded. I think that’s where people get messed up when they think about faith. They think about an offering plate or the church lady who gossips about what everyone does wrong. That isn’t what having faith in God is all about. Love shines through in that relationship more than anything else, and once you know His love, you can show it to the people around you.

   Now, I want to tell you about some lighter hearted things. I’m very emotional for a man. No, I don’t break down and cry often. As a matter of fact, I don’t actually think that I’ve shed a tear this year, but that’s not the type of emotion I’m talking about. I’m very passionate about the things I do and the people in my life. If I care enough to do something or be friends with somebody, I’m going to defend and pursue those things with everything I have. I’m also going to hurt with the people in my life. Their joy becomes mine, and their pain becomes mine, too. As for the things I choose to do, they become more than an object to me. Something as simple as a book becomes part of my psyche. Most people say that isn’t healthy, but it’s who I am. When something comes from me, its success becomes mine, and its value becomes directly linked to mine, or at least that’s how I perceive it. I guess that may be strange, but I never plan for anything less than extremely successful. As a side effect, I fail more than I succeed, but it’s really something when I do meet my expectations or the people in my life meet theirs. I think that I’m often sadder than most people are, but in times of success or love, I think that I’m able to soak the moment in much more than most people. I don’t cry or hit things. That’s normally what most people associate with being emotional. Instead, I simply feel a moment.

   Third, I absolutely love creating anything. That isn’t just limited to books either. I love music on a level that I can’t even describe. I like making it and listening to it. Art is amazing to me. I can’t ever say that I’ve been a great artist, so I’m really more of a spectator in this department, but something has always amazed me about how people go through a creative process and make something so amazing on a canvas. I also love strange things like school projects. I know that might sound odd, and I’m not in school anymore, but I can still remember getting papers and projects in college. I never made it a goal to follow the instructions completely. Instead, I always wanted to find unique ways to do things that were better. I think I used to think that different meant better. Sometimes it did, and sometimes it didn’t, but I never copied someone else’s style or project. In a weird way, I kind of think that’s where people’s value lies. What do you have to contribute to the world that is completely original? What can you create that no one else can? That’s what I’ve always challenged myself to do, and it’s what I love.

   I love to learn. By definition, I’m probably a little bit of a nerd. If I could spend an entire day watching the science channel, I would be in heaven. I don’t know why, but I’ve always been pretty good at retaining knowledge after I learn it, and I absolutely love piling my brain full of new things, especially theoretical things about our universe. I think I love things that are theoretical because you can come to your own conclusion. I love learning something and then being able to form an original theory on it, or after trying to disprove what I’ve heard finding that it really is the only rational explanation. That’s probably why I love science. It’s constantly changing. Ever day, new theories are formed, and old ones are disregarded. There’s something about our ever-changing understanding of our universe that seems interesting to me.

   Something else you probably don’t know about me is the fact that I don’t like to be in the spotlight. As a matter of fact, you probably think that’s odd. Why would I write books and actually use my real name and photos if I didn’t want to be seen or recognized? Well, that question is extremely complicated. I’ve noticed that I can be a bit of a recluse, and when I decided to write books, I started making a conscious effort to fix that. I thought a good step would be in writing this blog and being open with everyone about myself and my work. I still find myself struggling in large crowds, but things are getting better. I don’t ever think I’ll be what people call extraverted, but I’m finding my voice. I’m quiet, but I can talk through writing better than anything else. Let’s just hope that I never start talking as much as I write, or it’s seriously going to get irritating to people. I don’t think anyone would want to hear someone talk that much. J

   Family is the next thing I want to talk about. I have a very supportive family that loves me more than I probably deserve. My family isn’t perfect by any means. We fight, and in general, we do all of the unexplainably strange things that any other family does, but we’re together, and that’s all that matters. When it comes down to it, I know that my family will love and support me no matter what happens. I saw a quote somewhere one time. I don’t remember where, or the exact words that it used, but it reminded me of my family. “Being welcomed with open arms no matter how much time has passed or what has change . . . that’s what having a family is all about.” I have that, and that might be the best thing in my life. Someday, I’m going to have that with another family that my wife and I are at the forefront of.

   Finally, something simple. I love sports or anything competitive. It could be football, basketball, video games, or whatever. I just love to compete. I don’t really value winning or losing like most people. What I’ve always cared about when it comes to competition is effort and passion. I can still remember playing football. There were times when we won that I felt like we failed and times when we lost that I felt good about what we had done. I love being able to be surrounded by people who put their everything into a competitive event and who approach whatever it is with every ounce of passion in them. That’s how I approach things like that, and strangely enough, it’s what I expect out of the people around me. That’s led to some less than good situations for me, but I think it’s just a product of what I’ve been taught and the people I used to look up to as a child. I looked up to athletes who were not only great but who demanded that the people around them strive to be great, too. I loved musician’s who played for the love of it and to be the absolute best they could and not for money. I’m very competitive, and I expect a lot out of myself. Sometimes that rubs people the wrong way, but it really shouldn’t. I can respect anyone in competition who gives everything they have no matter what the result is. As a matter of fact, I still think back to some moments in my life when I could have given a little more to a team or an individual goal in my life and regret that. Not all of those moments were failures, but every failure that I gave everything I had to is marked down as a success in my mind. If there’s one thing I would want you to know about me besides the fact that I’m a Christian, it’s this. I approach life with passion and drive. I’m not always successful and due to the high standards that I have, I actually fail a lot more than I succeed, but I find that life is a lot better when you truly care about everything you do to such a level that you pour yourself into it. Be great, and expect only greatness around you. Your expectations probably won’t be met, but I guarantee you that you’ll find yourself with better people in your life, and just as importantly, with a better you when it’s all said and done.

Publishing

   Today I wanted to talk to you guys about something that’s coming up rather soon. I’m going to be releasing the final Wrong book on March 28^th, and I’ll be revealing the cover and other information about it soon. It was a lot of fun to write, and it only has a few things left to be done to it. I’m hoping that you’ll all love it as much as I do. It’s a very good end for what has been a great series.

   Here’s the main thing I wanted to talk to everyone about, though. After this series is over, I’m going to be in uncharted waters for a while. I haven’t released anything that isn’t attached to Wrong or Strange Visions yet. I think I have an excellent book written that will be as good as the things I’ve done in the past and maybe even a little better, but here’s the thing. I don’t know what I want to do with it. I was thinking about trying to shop it out to some major publishers for a while. If I do that, it could be a while before I release another book. It usually takes a long while to hear back from a publisher after you submit your work, and many great writers have been turned down dozens of times before finally finding someone who took notice of how great what they were doing really was. I don’t want to leave any of you guys hanging for a long time, though, so I’m thinking about shopping that one out and simultaneously writing an original title to release for everyone who has supported me over the last few months. Who knows, though? Maybe I’m overestimating my new book. I think it’s good enough to be published by a major publisher, but I guess we’ll see. I think I have to at least take a shot at it before I release it on my own, and if I were ever going to take a shot at trying to get one of the bigger names in publishing to notice me, I think this new book would be the way to go.

   That brings up a new question, though. If I’m going to be working on a brand new project while I shop that one out, what do you guys want to read about? I know what I like to write about, but I’m always interested to hear what readers think. I want to challenge myself to write about new things, so I’m pretty much open to anything within reason. If you don’t mind, leave a suggestion. I would love to have some input. J 

The Final Entry

   I started trying to come up with something to write on this blog today, and honestly, I had nothing. I’ve written about books, love, support, and everything going on in my life. In some ways, I’ve been feeling used up when it comes to this blog, but then a thought occurred to me. What would I want to write if this were my final entry? I went through several ideas, but this is what I determined. It would have to be something that came from a real place. As writers, we often try to promote our books or put on a good image when we blog, but this final entry couldn’t be an image to sell a product or myself. It would have to be real, so here goes.

   I often talk about my books and how good things are going. Here’s one simple truth. I’m still not meeting my own expectations. In a lot of ways, I feel like I’m failing from time to time. I would like to see better sales, and in truth, I still think I can be better. As a writer, you’re not supposed to talk about how you think you could be better, but that’s the truth. I’m still growing as a writer. I learn a little more every day. There’s a flip side to the doubt and failure, though. I love what I write, and I truly think that all of it is worth doing. As a matter of fact, I know it’s good. I could pay more attention to commas or do some subtle things better, but the actual stories are exactly what I want them to be. I’m proud of them. I would have written these stories even if I had never published them.

   Now, for the personal aspect of my life. I’m discouraged. I spend so much time writing that I don’t have any time to go out like a normal twenty-five year old. I’ve had some bad luck with dating over the last couple of years, too. In some ways, I don’t feel like things are going to be all right. I often incorporate love into my writing for a very specific reason. I feel like I have a lot of it to give but no one to give it to. I don’t know why things aren’t working out for me socially, but they aren’t. I need more than I have, and that’s not me being selfish. It’s not a want. It’s truly a need. At this point in my life, I need to love and be loved. I need to have friends that I can experience the real world with from time to time. It’s strange to me. These types of things seem to come so easy to others. They seem to follow a set pattern. They find success, meet someone, and build a life together. I don’t know why, but nothing has ever been that simple for me. I know what I want, and I know what I’m passionate about, but I still haven’t reached the level of success that’s needed, and most importantly, I haven’t found a place to belong.

   You may ask, why would you write about this as your last blog. Here’s the answer to that. Life is hard. As a matter of fact, sometimes it knocks you down and stomps on you over and over again. Believe me. I’ve been there. Sometimes I feel like I still am there. The best advice I could ever give anyone is the thing I keep telling myself. Just keep moving. Tomorrow could be better than today. I keep working hard toward the things that I need in my life. I keep praying even though the answer to my prayers seems to be no. I refuse to give up on my dreams and my life because the moment I do, I know what’s going to happen. I’ll die. No, not in the traditional way but in a way nonetheless. When I give up on the life I need, I know I’ll lose all passion and hope for the future. When that happens, you’re just running out the clock of life. I refuse to do that.

   I know this blog seems awfully negative, and it’s seems that way because in some ways, it is. You see, this blog is a lot like life. We struggle to reach the place where we want to be, and after we’re worn down we have a choice to make. Are we going to lie down and die, or are we going to fight until we have no more breath? I’m choosing to fight for the things I’m passionate about. I don’t know if I’ll ever find the right people to be around or if my passions will ever receive the recognition that they deserve, but I’m not giving up on them. That’s all I can do. That would be my final message to you if I had to give one. Life isn’t always fun. As a matter of fact, most of it isn’t, but we all know where we deserve to be. Don’t stop fighting to be there, and don’t settle for less than you deserve. You may never find what you’re looking for, but I’ve found that life’s not necessarily about where you end up. It’s about being able to say you did everything you possibly could with the cards that you were given. I know I’m not folding. I can’t say that my hand is full of aces. As a matter of fact, all I have is a pair of twos, but I’m going to continue. Who knows? Maybe someday that persistence will pay off.

   So there you have it. This is the truth about my life. I’m not happy a lot of the time, I feel like I’m failing often, and I need to be at a much better place socially. Those things feel like a lot to overcome. At times, I look at everything at one time and start to feel overwhelmed. I don’t look away, though. Distractions just keep you in the same place. I walk straight toward them in the hopes that I can fix one thing at a time. If you’re like me and you feel like you deserve more than you’re getting, face your problems head on. Maybe tomorrow things will start to break, but either way, when you’re on your deathbed, you won’t ever have to say, I wish I had done that.

Morning Ideas

   I’m really excited this morning. I don’t know why, but I have all types of ideas flowing today. Lately, I’ve felt like I was in a bit of a slump, but I woke up this morning, and it was as if a fog had cleared from my mind. I’ve had ideas for new books, how to better re-master old ones, and even some other ideas that I’m going to keep to myself for now. To say the least, for the first time in a while, I’m excited about the future. The next year should be interesting. If I want to do everything I’ve got planned, I’m going to need to be working a lot. That’s the only downside to all of this, but who am I kidding? I actually love writing.

   For a while there, I thought I was getting too burned out or that I may need to do something else, but thankfully, those feelings have passed. I don’t know if I can write forever, but I know I still have more to share with everyone for now. I have at least three brand new stories to tell, and I’m not done telling Nathan and Sam’s story either. That’s not all, though. I have some ideas about Trent and Ally, too. No, I’m not going to revive the series. It truly did come to a close with The Storm, but I want to redo all of the books, and maybe even create a version of the books where a lot of things are expanded upon. It’s probably a little strange, but I keep coming back to the Wrong and Strange Visions stories. I want to make them the best they can possibly be before I finally leave them completely behind. I want to edit them to a better level, and put out some more definite editions of them. I know what you’re thinking. You probably think that I’m one of those authors who has become too hung up on one or two groups of characters. Guess what? You’re right. I feel like I have to make the Wrong and Strange Visions books perfect, and if I didn’t expand on some things in these new editions, I just couldn’t get it out of my head. That doesn’t mean that I don’t have a lot of other ideas about new characters either, though. As a matter of fact, I have two stories already written, and I’m toying with an idea for a sequel to one of them. I even have another idea for a book that would be very different from anything that I’ve ever done. As a matter of fact, it wouldn’t even be fiction.

   Anyway, sorry to go on and on about the things I’ve been thinking about this morning, but I just had to let everyone know what was going on with me. There are going to be plenty of new books in the future, and plenty of re-masters of old ones. There’s even going to be one project that I don’t know what to call yet. Thanks for reading, guys, and if you haven’t checked out either of my two series yet, what are you waiting on? They’re good books, and I think you’ll love them. (Yes . . . that was a shameless promotion.)

Updates and Goals

   It’s been a little while since I updated everyone, so I thought I would today. I have updated Wrong Place and Wrong Time, and you should all get an update from Amazon at some point in the future. Wrong Life is being redone as we speak. Whenever I get done updating all three, I’m going to mash them together to make a box set at some point. I think I’m going to redo all of my books to polish them a little more. It’s going to take some time, but I’ll get it done sooner or later.

   Outside of re-mastering things, I’m doing one other important thing. I’m getting Wrong End ready for release. I don’t know if that’s going to be the book’s permanent title, but it might be. I still need to get a cover ready for it and get my final description out there. It will be out soon. You should look forward to seeing it in late March. I could probably rush it and get it out in early March, but I want the final book to be as close to perfect as possible.

   Besides that, I’ve been going over the book that could potentially come after the last Wrong. It won’t be related in any way to Wrong or Strange Visions, and I’m pretty sure that it won’t ever have a sequel, but I think the book has a lot of potential. It’s certainly not going to be for everyone, but it’s just the type of thing that I love to write. It’s different in every way from what I’ve done in the past, but yet, I didn’t forget the things I’ve learned from writing those books. I have another that I've written, but I haven’t even read back through it yet, so I’m not sure how people will receive it or even if I’m going to be able to use it. I suspect that it will be good, but you never know until you run back through things and really go over it with a fine-toothed comb.

   Now, on to something that isn’t book related. I’ve been thinking about getting a house of my own. At first, I thought I might build it, and I still may do that, but I’ve found a house that I think I might like. I’ll be going to see it in the next few days, and if I like it as much as I think I will, I should know if I can get it for my price before the end of the month. Truthfully, I’m hoping that things work out in this situation, but I’m not rushing it. I want to find a house that I can picture myself in for a very long time, and I want it to be in a good price range. That can take time to find, and this is one area that I’m not willing to settle in. I’m just going to keep my fingers crossed that I can find what I’m looking for sooner rather than later.

   Those aren’t the only things going on, however. I have some personal goals that I want to achieve in the future, too. I’ve been thinking about going back to school. I was thinking about going to college to be a surgical tech. It takes two years to complete at my local community college, but I already have a year’s worth of the courses done from when I went to college before. It would only take a year, and I know what you’re probably thinking. Could I write if I were going to school? The answer is yes. I have about four months worth of material written already, so I think I can keep up for a year. I’ve always been good at multitasking, and I know that I’ll be able to manage both. I’m not one hundred percent sure if I’ll be going back to college, and I still have some time to think about it. Writing will always be my number one priority, but I still have so many things I want to do. I think a second career might be fun. There’s one more goal I have, and honestly, I don’t know how I’m going to do it with so little time, but I’m going to try. I want to start learning different languages. I think I want to start with Japanese. I’ve always felt a need to learn new things, but not necessarily in a classroom setting. For someone like me, it would be pretty fun to take a little time every day to try to learn one of the most challenging languages on the planet. Sure, I’ll probably sound like an idiot to anyone who actually speaks Japanese. (*Tries to picture Japanese with a southern accent :)*) I still want to learn it, though. I’ve always wanted to visit Japan, so maybe I’ll actually be able to communicate one day when I do.

   All right, this drug on a little longer than I wanted it to. Now, you guys know about everything that’s going on and will be, so I’m going to start working on getting some of those things done. I’ll start by finishing my editing. (I’m so sick of editing!) I really hope you all enjoy the new versions of the books and love the ending to Wrong.

   In case you want to check out any of my books, there are links at the top right of my blog. Check them out!

Valentine's Day

   Today is Valentine’s Day, and in celebration of it, I’m not doing what most of you are. I don’t have a special someone, and I’m definitely not going to see a sappy love movie tonight. For the first time, that’s all right, though. In the past, I’ve dreaded this day. For some reason, I’ve rarely been in a relationship when this day rolled around. It’s odd, but this day has always made me feel like I’m less than. Everywhere I looked, I would always see love, or to be more accurate, I would always see what everyone around me seemed to think was the missing piece in my life. I don’t feel that way today, though.

   I’m going to tell you guys why being single on Valentine’s day is the biggest blessing in disguise that you’ll ever know. First of all, I’m not going to be seeing a movie about a vampire in love . . . or any other weird and completely unrealistic sappy movie that’s out there right now. I won’t have to go out to an overpriced restaurant, and I won’t have to buy jewelry. Instead, I’ll be staying in and doing the things I care about. I’ve already been refining my new book today, but tonight, I’m going to watch a game and play a little Final Fantasy. You see, when you don’t have to worry about what the rest of the world is doing on a holiday, and you just do your own thing, life is so much simpler. If you’re single today, I urge you not to feel sorry for yourself while you look at all the ridiculous adds on televisions. Instead, use this day to celebrate yourself. Do everything you want to do, and don’t worry about what you’re supposed to be doing. On the other hand, if you have someone, really put this day in prospective. It’s one day. There shouldn’t be any pressure to wow your significant other. In fact, do yourself a favor and just enjoy the person you love. We’re supposed to shower our significant others with gifts on this day and treat them special. Here’s the thing, though. If you don’t put a lot of significance on this day and you realize one simple fact, you’ll be much happier with your relationship. You don’t need to pay special attention to them on one day. You need to try to make them feel special every day. In fact, you should try to surprise them every day and show them how much you love them without ceasing. That’s what romance actually is. It’s not a day or a box of chocolates.

   In conclusion, if you love someone, realize that a day doesn’t define that love. An entire life does. If you’re like me and you’re flying solo today, just take a well-deserved day to celebrate your life. We all deserve a day like that sometimes. Also, try to find a very special person in the future. They’ll be someone who won’t do something special on Valentine’s Day or your anniversary because every day will be special. In a way, a day full of love and romantic gestures will feel completely normal. I think it’s funny how we lose sight of what romance actually is. It’s not something that happens on a certain day. It’s something that happens every day.

   Thanks for reading, and I hope you guys have a great day no matter what your relationship status is. Make it great for yourself and whoever is around you.