Online Dating In 2015

   These are my personal accounts of online dating and why I might be giving up on it forever. If you find yourself in this blog, it’s not purely coincidental. It’s because you scare me, and you’re one of the reasons I’m not sure if dating is even worth it anymore.

   I created a few profiles on some dating sites a while back, and I’ve been seeing what’s out there - big mistake! The first encounter I had with a crazy woman online was in the form of what people are calling cougars now. She was older than my mom, and she messaged me about a casual encounter. I didn’t respond. That didn’t stop her from sending a follow up message, though. Honestly, where do these women come from? Why don’t you date someone your own age? Now I have this jaded view of old people. Every time I go to Wal-Mart, I have to wonder if the greeter is checking me out. It’s crazy.

   The second came in the form of an actual date. I met this single girl who seemed to want all the same things as me. On paper, we were perfect for each other. Then we actually met. She was gorgeous. In fact, she was the prettiest girl I’ve ever been on a date with. I learned on that date that looks aren’t everything. This woman literally didn’t put together one sentence throughout the date. It was the most awkward experience of my life. Now, I’m not saying it was my best night either, but come on! I, at least, spoke.

   The third experience was truly strange. I read this girl’s profile, and she seemed absolutely perfect. I don’t want to say too much about her, but let’s just leave it at this. She seemed like the sweetest human being on earth, but I learned that she had some weird fetishes . . . like wanting to cut people . . . I was scared away, and I seriously had to start questioning how I keep finding these people.

   The fourth experience came with a girl who told me that she wanted a relationship but that she was asexual. I’m familiar with the term, but if you’re not attracted to men or women, that might just be a problem for me. I mean, a woman with no interest in anything physical would be weird for me if things ever got serious. I feel for her, but once again, how do I keep finding these people?

   Here’s the last one, and it takes the cake. I got a message from what appeared to be a normal looking woman who’s profile implied that she was very sweet. Upon further investigation, I found that she was really a he . . . or used to be . . . I’m not quite sure which it was because I never did understand all the details, but once again, I was scared away.

   Here’s the point of all this. I created some profiles to do an experiment, and what I found was absolutely terrifying. Girls, please tell me you’re not all pedophiles, mute, former men, and ready to cut me as soon as we enter the bedroom. I mean, come on! If that’s all that’s out there, then I’m staying safely indoors at all times. I think I might be done with online dating. If anyone knows a nice girl who wants a real relationship, then let me know. I only have a few requests. She must be able to speak, be attracted to men, not be old enough to be my mother, refrain from cutting me, as hard as it might be, and most importantly, have been a woman for her entire life. I can’t stress that last one enough. Well, the knife thing, too. I definitely don’t want someone cutting me.

   So there you have it. It’s safe to say that my online dating days are over. Here’s to meeting the opposite sex in the real world in a very public location so they can’t cut you and only after you have done a thorough background check to make sure they were never a man.  

My Next Few Weeks

   I thought it might be a good idea to update everyone on what I’m doing. The Unseen: Watchers has been a great success so far. Thanks to all who have bought it, and I hope you’re enjoying it. Over the next few weeks, I’m going to be working on several projects, though, so The Unseen is far from the last you’ll hear from me. Currently, I’m working on three things simultaneously. The first involves the final volume of Wrong Visions. I finished writing the final story today, and I’ve got to say I love how it turned out. Part of the stories are edited, but others aren’t edited at all, so over the next few weeks, I, and the people who help me out, are going to be editing like mad so we can share these stories with you very soon.

   The second thing I’m working on is The Divide: Origins. It’s a prequel to The Divide, but if you haven’t read the first one, I wouldn’t worry very much. This new installment is set roughly fifty years before the events of the original book, so it’s a totally new set of characters and circumstances. The original Divide was set in a world that had fallen apart many years before, and this one will be showing the disaster that led to everything. I’m about halfway through with writing it, and I think it might be even better than the first one. I can’t wait to share more about it with you. It’s a project that I’ve been thinking about doing since I wrote the first Divide, but because of other things I had to do, it’s taken this long to get it rolling.

   The final thing I’m working on is a book called Destiny. Some of you already know about it, but for those who don’t, I’ll give you a little insight into the project. It’s a romance book that follows two people throughout their lives. It’s unlike anything I’ve ever done, and I think that’s a good thing. I had to challenge myself on this one, and I didn’t know how it would come out, but the result is something I’m truly proud of. I can say without a doubt that this book is the best I have done so far and possibly the best I can do. I loved writing this story. It’s written and edited, but I’m looking at other mediums to put it out there with. That’s not to say that I won’t release it on Kindle in a few months, but I’m considering all options. Even though this book is ready for release, it will probably be the last one out of these three that sees the light of day. It’s the type of story that I want to be promoted right, and to do that, I’m going to need to consult with people who are much more intelligent when it comes to marketing than I am.

   Now, you might be thinking that it sounds like I’m just doing a ton of work. After all, who works on three books at one time? Even I feel exhausted by just the thought of it sometimes, but I’ve learned to take it one step at a time. I do a little every day, and it’s not really all work. I love writing these stories, and on March 28^th, I’m going to be meeting with some likeminded people at my old school. Northwest Mississippi Community College is holding their second annual Author Rodeo Roundup. No, if you attend, you will not be witnessing me falling off a bull. That’s just the name. Several local authors will be sitting at tables and selling/signing their books. It’s going to be a good way for me to network and more importantly, meet some of the people who care about what I do. I would love to see you there. I’ll be giving away free bookmarks at the event, and I’ll sign any books you might have of mine. They tell me that I might have to speak, too . . . we’ll see about that . . . (I’m a very nervous public speaker.)

   So that’s what’s going on in my world. I’m super busy, and I’m doing what I love. I believe in all three of my projects, and I can’t wait to share all of them with you, especially Destiny. Thanks for reading, and look for more updates soon. I should have release dates set for Wrong Visions Vol. 3 and The Divide Origins very soon. As for Destiny, a little preview might be in order in the near future. :)

So You Want To Be An Author?

   I wanted to take a little time and tell anyone who would like to be an author about my own personal experience. When I got started, I read all these how to be an author articles that told what to do and what not to. Honestly, most of the content was unhelpful. Maybe for you those articles are perfect, but as a person who has to learn hands on, I took a different approach. Let me tell you about my dos and don’ts of becoming an author. Keep in mind that I’m still growing as an author every day, and I still have so much left to learn. I’ll start with my first experience.

   I had a theory from the beginning about writing. I loved it like I pictured loving another person. My stories, characters, and the worlds I was able to escape into were as real to me as any love could be. I started thinking that if they’re like people to me, then maybe I could test out how cut out I really was for this. I used what I’ve started to call the marriage approach. When you get married, you’re not used to seeing someone every minute of the day. You used to think you couldn’t get enough of them, but then you start living together. Their dirty clothes, annoying habits, and ridiculous television shows start to wear on you, and you eventually wonder if you made a mistake. Yeah, too much of a good thing can be bad. Something happens the first time you’re away from each other, though. You either rejoice because you’re free and never want to go back, or you think of them and maybe even miss some of their annoying habits. Even if they get on your nerves, you couldn’t picture life without them. I took the same approach with writing. I wrote every moment I could for the first month I did this. I literally wrote three books in that time, which for a person who had never written anything more than a five-page paper was amazing. At the end of it, I was proud, but honestly, writing had become a job. I was sick of it, so I decided to take a little vacation. The first day I walked away from my computer, I couldn’t stop thinking about what I was going to write next, and on the second, I started writing Strange Visions. Even if I didn’t always enjoy it, writing had become a part of who I was. I loved it. Is that who you are? Writing can be something you want to do, and that’s fine, but I think people who make this a way of life have no choice in the matter. They feel called to do it. It’s like an addiction or a great love that we would miss even in the worst of times.

   The second thing involves style. When I got started, everyone threw a bunch of suggestions at me. They said read this author and that author and encouraged me to emulate certain people’s styles. That’s great for some, but think about it for a second. If someone wants to read a JK Rolling book, why are they checking you out? Wouldn’t they just read her work? When someone sees that a New author is writing a book, they expect a new perspective. Be you. You can read all you want for enjoyment or for references on little details, but you were given a unique perspective in this world. It would be a shame for you to just try to package some type of product that piggybacked off of the John Grishom’s of the world. First and foremost, being an author is about imagination and originality. If you want to make this your career or even a second one, you have to realize that your best friend is not another author. It’s your inner most thoughts.

   The third thing I couldn’t disagree with more that I read was never to make your work personal. I was told you should make a product that you believe people will want to read while leaving all personal aspects out of the story. Now, I’m not disagreeing that you should try to make it appeal to everyday people, but this is your story. If you don’t have a little bit of yourself in there, then I have to question if that won’t come across. Books that are written to mimic what people want to hear often come off as boring and phony. They rarely present any new thoughts. If you have a different kind of sense of humor, then don’t be afraid to let that bleed into your work, or if you’re madly in love with someone, then you know exactly how that feels. Make a character who’s going through the same things as you. You’ll be able to convey things in a very real way. Putting your words out there for all to see is about the most daring thing you can do anyway. Why not make them original and meaningful? After all, this is a reflection of what you have to say.

   Finally, and most importantly, I’ve heard that you must be able to take criticism. That is very true, but if you’re the right kind of author, it won’t ever be you that’s criticized. It’ll be your story and characters, which you’ll view as the closest of friends. Don’t let any article or person lie to you. When someone hates the characters that you’ve spent so much time with, you’ll be offended. You’ll be angry in the same way you would if someone criticized your child. It’ll be irrational and maybe even a little childish, but if you really put everything you have into being an author, you won’t be able to help it. The key is not to be a heartless drone who takes nothing personal. It’s to be able to step away from the computer for a day and think on what the person said. Did they have a point, or were they just trying to start trouble? Trust me. There are going to be people who want to tear you down for their own amusement. Some will criticize you when they haven’t even read a word you wrote. You have to face facts, though. Over half of the complaints you get are going to be legitimate. Once you accept that and take a hard look at other people’s perspectives, you can take a step back and ask yourself, would my story have been better served to do things like that person said? Sometimes the answer is yes when you swallow your pride. Sometimes, you know your story better than anyone, and they’re simply wrong. The key is not to ignore all criticism either way, though. It’s to get your feelings hurt, get over it, and then consider what critiques are saying. It can hurt, but if these characters are really like family to you, you’ll want to make them as well as you can. It won’t be about your failure. It’ll be about your embarrassment for these characters and the way you didn’t present them well enough. A lot of writing is about swallowing your pride and doing what’s best for the story.

   That’s all I’ve got. You might wonder why. I mean, I would have thought there was a lot more to writing than that, but there really isn’t. If you sit down in a chair and force yourself to start writing, it’ll either become a bore or a calling. If there were one thing I would add, it would be this. With every word you write, you’ll get better. This is like anything else. We don’t start out being great at what we do, and it takes a long time to get recognition from anyone in this field. Don’t do it for that, and it won’t matter how long it takes. Be that person who does it for the love of every story you ever write. Let it be your joy and sorrow. Most of all, let it be something that you can come back to again and again knowing that it could hold endless possibilities for you both in fantasy and real life.

The Only One On Earth

   I want to tell everyone about an emotion I’ve been battling lately. Actually, it’s one I’ve been battling my whole life, and I’m starting to wonder if I should fight it at all. Maybe it’s just who I am. Let me explain where it all started.

   When I was six, my mom and I were involved in an accident. It left me with my left eye swollen shut, and it did some significant damage to me outside of that. I had a concussion, and the results would be me having seizures for some time after that. As my mother panicked, like anyone would have, I was calm. At six years old, I had absolutely no fear in me. I even reassured my mom that the situation was going to be fine. After I started having seizures, I took it all in stride. I can still remember what it felt like during the first one. I didn’t know what was happening. In all honesty, I thought I was dying. I didn’t want to die, but I didn’t feel panicked either. I felt nothing. I was just empty. I had always been that way. I figured if this were it, I would just go to Heaven. In my mind, everything was still fine. What kind of child doesn’t panic in that situation? That’s the way I had always been, though.

   That pattern of behavior continued. I’ve been in love with the idea of loving someone many times in my life, but never have I found myself in the feeling of love that people describe to me. It’s foreign, and at this point, I don’t even know if something like that could exist for me. I care about people, and I want them to love me, but those feelings of closeness that bring people together never happen for me. It’s as if I’m just an empty vessel who longs for the connection that a real person should feel. That’s how I view myself. Am I like everyone else? Could I be defective?

   The oddness doesn’t stop there, though. Even when faced with the death of a loved one, I don’t feel. I wish that they were still with me, and I love them in my own way, but there are no feelings. I simply look at everyone else and how they deal with tragedy. Some cry, and others turn to food or even drinks to give them comfort. A few do the wise thing and find comfort in the people who love them. Some are destructive. They push everyone away and do something stupid like punch a hole in the wall. It all seems really strange how we deal with things, no matter what way we choose to do it. I wish I could be one of those strange people, though. I wish I could cry or throw my fist through a wall. Instead, I stand there in a state that people perceive as strong or non-caring. I hug who needs to be hugged and say what I think people need to hear. Then I go home, and my day continues as if nothing ever happened. I know I’ve lost someone I can never get back. I truly realize that a tragedy has occurred, and it will affect my future, but it doesn’t affect anything on the surface.

   I think people like me used to be called the strong silent types. I’ll be there to defend you if you need it. You can cry on my shoulder in a time of mourning, and most importantly, I’ll give you anything you need to feel whole again. I’m that kind of friend, but I would give anything to be the person on the other side of it all. I would be so happy to feel something when my lips touched someone else’s or to find that tears were falling when I had lost someone who meant so much to me. I would even settle for fear. The other day in the snow and ice, I slid on a bridge, and my car started going toward the edge. Most people would have panicked and locked up their brakes. They certainly wouldn’t have been able to slow down and think about things logically. I never had fear in me, though. I simply realized that the brakes weren’t my friend on a slick bridge and turned into the slide, causing my car to completely turn in a circle instead of plowing into the bridge. It was a good time to not have emotion, but it said a lot about who I am. I don’t love like most people. I don’t mourn at all, and maybe worst of all, I don’t fear death or anything. I’m empty, and I don’t understand why.

   I know this has probably been depressing for some, but I needed to talk about all this. It’s not normal, and I don’t understand it. I’ve always been able to use this as an advantage. I use logic to solve problems that otherwise would just fall by the wayside. Still, I would like to feel love or even heartbreak. I would love to screw up a situation because I allowed myself to make a mistake through being too emotional. Some might say that I’m just a man. Men don’t show their emotions as much. That would be uneducated, though. Most men show emotions as much as any woman. They just don’t show them in the same way.

   The final thing I want to say is this. I want to change. I don’t want my smiles, laughs, or even grief to be fake anymore. I want it to all be real. I don’t know how to accomplish this yet. How do you feel what you truly seem to have no capacity to even understand? Still, this is something I have to do. I can’t keep feeling numb to everything, can I? It’s funny that some use alcohol or drugs just to try to escape their emotions. They want to cut it all off for a few hours. I just want to cut it on once in my life. I want to fall in love, not know what to do with myself during a tragedy, and make a huge mistake because I fear physical harm. It’s not a big goal for most, but it’s all I think about lately.

   I hope this blog has helped you get to know me a little more. I usually tell you the good, but to feel I think you have to open up first. This is me opening up. I’m not perfect. As a matter of fact, some fundamental part of me is broken. Here’s to piecing it back together, no matter how long it takes.

Gold

   I often write about my personal thoughts on here, so in continuing with that tradition, I wanted to talk about something that’s been on my mind lately. We have a measuring stick that we use to judge everyone around us, including ourselves. I’m sure you know exactly what I’m talking about. It determines if you’re marriage material, what you have, and how hard you must have worked in most people’s eyes. Money is our way of measuring everything in our society. The highest paid must be the most valuable employees, and the people who have wealth must be hard workers and have their life together. Is that really true, though? Does this singular thing measure our value accurately? Does it even make us happy?

   I was recently thinking about what I would do if I won the lottery. The first thought that came to my mind was that I would pay off my house. After that, I had nothing. I thought of a few things I would do for my closest family members and friends, but after that, I was baffled. I truly wanted nothing that money could buy. It was strange. I had thought for years that wealth could hold the key to happiness for me, but truthfully, the things I love are either people or extremely cheap possessions. That realization sparked another thought. In my lifetime, what have I ever wanted expensive clothes for? Simply to impress another person on a date or in an interview. Secondly, I’m not really a car guy. Why would I want a new sports car that was extremely expensive? Would it truly bring me joy? The answer is no. Once again, it would just be some attempt at standing out in the crowd. Maybe if I had that possession, someone great would notice me. Then I thought about a bigger house. That wasn’t even something I wanted. The house I have is already too much for one person. The only reason I would be going down that road would be to look appealing for someone who was trying to find a long-term partner.

   You see, it all comes back to people. We want to be more appealing, and all the while, we judge others based on the fact that they can give us things that we probably don’t even desire. It’s a circle, and it makes no sense. Once I realized this, I asked what truly made me happy. Chocolate, books, kisses, music, video games, laughter, good food, and time holding onto the ones I care about . . . those are the things that came to mind. They all have one thing in common. None of them are expensive. As a matter of fact, some of them are even free. All this time, I’ve been looking at people in terms of whether they have their life together or what they have to offer, but I’ve ignored the real questions I should be asking. Can they make me laugh? Do we have common interests? Can they put up with my obsession with music? Maybe most importantly, how do they make me feel? Do our talks leave me wanting more? Do their kisses make an electric feeling shoot through my body that’s like nothing else? Do I find myself wanting to spend more and more time with them? Finally, am I happy in the simplest form just to see their face every day?

   It’s not rocket science, but I think we make it that. We pick our friends and relationships based on what others have and can give us materially, but all the gold and glamour in the world can’t replace the laughter and love we can share with one person who truly sets our heart on fire. After all, that gold and glamour only exists to make an image that will attract someone special. What I’ve got to start realizing is that I don’t want the bait. It would be easy to see a woman with the perfect look, education level, and career, and say that she’s everything I want, but I’ve found that it’s never that simple. It’s usually the one who can stay up talking to me until three in the morning about a bunch of her far-fetched dreams that will probably never come true who truly captivates me. There’s something about a dreamer that always trumps a person who’s left that behind for a certain kind of boring perfection where everything in their life is already certain. It’s the one who takes my breath away when she’s in sweat pants and has no makeup on who overshadows any outfit or effort into being something she’s not. Finally, it’s definitely not the one who goes out with me to the nicest restaurant in our expensive clothes and nice car. It’s the girl who can sit with me and watch Netflix all day without desiring anything more.

   We spend an insane amount of money on happiness every year. We buy new clothes, new cars, constantly try to figure out how to change our look and manage our weight, and all the while, we never realize that none of this makes us happy. We think what would I do if I were rich? A big house, a beautiful car, a model, and the best wardrobe possible come to mind. It’s funny, but none of those things give us an emotional connection at all. I think the key to happiness is easier than we think. A place to lay your head, a membership to Netflix, and someone to sit beside you and just enjoy a night of laughter, dreaming, and love is all that my heart really desires. If I had that, I would truly be a rich man beyond all the gold or riches in this world.

The Unseen: Watchers

   I’m very proud to announce my newest book. It’s the final book in The Unseen series, and it’s titled The Unseen: Watchers. I believe that this is my best one in the series. It has tons of action, and romance is taken to another level throughout it. It’ll be easy for anyone who has enjoyed the previous entries to pick it up. The book will be coming out in March, but I’ll have it up for preorder on the 14^th of this month. I hope you’ll all check it out. Here’s the description for it.

   The Unseen: Watchers is the epic conclusion to The Unseen series. It follows Drew and Lindsey as everything with the agency finally comes to a head. Will they be able to escape a life of servitude and death, or will it all catch up to them in the end? That will be the central theme of this final book. Along their journey, they’ll discover love, betrayal, and a will to survive like they never knew they had. Join them as they try to take down an agency responsible for countless crimes and maybe even make a life for each other away from it all. This entry is an action-packed journey with a deeper romance than ever before, and the ending to the series is one you’ll never see coming.

   The book is so much more than I can accurately describe, however. It’s a farewell to a group of characters that I have spent so much time with over the last several months. I think I’ll always have a special place in my heart for Drew and Lindsey. I started on this series at a time when my life didn’t feel very stable, and I was very comfortable writing in this style. I had been challenging myself to write in other styles, however, and it was just time to go back to the basics. These characters and these books brought a much-needed stability to my life. Moving forward, I’m going to be exploring new genres again, but I have to say that I loved being able to rely on Drew and Lindsey in a pinch. I hope they’ve brought half as much joy and entertainment to your life as they have to mine.