All right, I have a lot to talk about
today. I feel like the majority of my blogs lately have been positive, but this
one is going to be more reflective than anything. I wouldn’t say that it’ll be
negative, but it’s definitely going to be self-critical. I think we all need to
be a little critical of ourselves at times, so here goes.
I’ve
been procrastinating about doing work lately. That’s strange for the guy who
used to work 12 hours a day every day of the week, but I think I experienced
some burn out. Over the last few days, I had even been considering stepping
away from writing for a while and doing something else. I’m coming around,
though. I love my job, and I think I’ve let moving and a lot of the recent
changes in my life get in the way of doing it. When I finally do force myself
to sit down and write, it’s like I’m at peace. I can’t give that up right now.
I think that I’m going to start setting hours where all I do is write. I’ve
never been the type of person to set hours because I hate feeling like I have to do something, but I think it’s
going to be good for me. By doing this, I’ve already written something new
that’s very different. I’m excited about it, too. I think a new direction in my
books is on the horizon next year, and I only know one thing for sure. It’s
going to be interesting.
The
second thing I want to talk about is simple. I need to learn to let go. I can
recall a time when I let everything roll off. I was relaxed all the time, but I
never really cared about anything or anyone. I don’t think that was necessarily
a good thing. I look at myself now, though, and sometimes I’m envious of that
guy. He never had to worry about money, what someone thought of him, or if he
was doing the “right thing.” Still, I can see that he was missing something. I
look at the person I am today, and I think I’m applying myself, but it might be
in the wrong ways. I care, but I think it’s time to take some of who I used to
be, and merge it with who I am now. I’m the type of person now who debates
everything in his head before he makes a move. Honestly, it gets pretty loud in
there, and sometimes I just want to write, live, and even have a simple
conversation without overthinking it. I don’t know if this makes sense, but I think
that’s the point. I have no idea if you’ve ever been to a place where you
started caring too much about what people thought about you and the life you
were living, but I’m explaining where I’m at blindly. I’m assuming that saying
this will somehow let someone out there know who I am deep down, what I go
through, and maybe even help them draw some type of inspiration through the
fact that they might not be the only person who struggles with the line between
not caring at all and completely living for others. From this day forward, I’m
going to do everything I can to live exactly how I feel I should. I’m going to
write my story and edit it the best I can while trying to make it enjoyable to
the reader, but not cheapening it by making it anything less than is me. I’m
going to have conversations where I shut off that part of my mind that’s
self-conscious, and maybe most importantly, I’m going to find a way to get back
to just being me. I’m a very spiritual person, but some people might not know
that because I don’t show it enough. I’m also a very nice guy, but I can be
pushed too far. I want balance in my life, and for the first time, I want to be
able to say I care more than I ever have, but that I won’t sell myself short
because of someone else’s beliefs, expectations, or opinions.
No comments:
Post a Comment