Doing Nothing At All

   I was watching a television show last night, and something one of the characters said really resonated with me. He said that he had a lot of people to do something with, but he wanted someone to do nothing with. At first glance, that statement might be confusing or even sound like it doesn’t make sense at all, but it describes a familiar feeling for me. I have friends to hang out with and family to love and help me. I even have acquaintances who would drop what they were doing to come do something fun for the day. Overall, I’ve been fairly lucky when it comes to the people I’ve met, but I’m searching for something more. What about finding that one person who wants to be with you even when nothing interesting is going on? Maybe you’re having a bad day, or maybe you’re too tired to even think about doing something exciting. Who wants to sit with you silently and just enjoy everything that is you when nothing at all exciting is going on? That’s what I crave most in life. I want that kind of relationship. It isn’t always an exciting one, but I think it’s deeper than any other kind. It isn’t really logical either, but it’s one of those few things in this world that are so perfectly inexplicable that no one questions it. I need that.

   I’ve been thinking about this for a while, but I haven’t been able to put into words what I’ve been feeling. That sums it up perfectly, though. The person I’m looking for will be able to enjoy the best moments but also be content in the moments that are filled with a lot of nothing. It might sound boring, but doing nothing is starting to sound a lot better to me these days. Books don’t write or sell themselves, and nights out with friends are rewarding but sometimes exhausting. As a matter of fact, it feels like the hustle and bustle of life can be overwhelming at times. I would miss not writing or not having time with friends, so don’t think I’m saying those are bad things. Work and play help give us purpose, but I crave those quiet moments when all the noise just stops, and you get to spend some time with the person who really matters to you most…doing anything or nothing at all because it doesn’t matter. As long as you’re with her, you’re home.

   I don’t know if any of this makes sense the way it does to me, but I’m searching for something. Maybe it’s right in front of me, or maybe it’s going to take years to find a person who is fulfilled with who I am and nothing more. I don’t know, but I do know this. I’ve figured out what I want in life. It’s simple. I need simplicity. It’s a really underrated thing these days. I don’t need a million dollars, fame, a supermodel girlfriend, or the most friends. I’m not knocking any of those things, but I need the drama of yesterday to simply fade away and give way to something new. In the past, I’ve had a bad habit of overanalyzing situations. I tend to think of any way that things could go wrong and worry about it. I’ve done it with books, friendships, relationships, and even with my personal walk with God. I think it’s time for a fresh start, though. I’m going to write, be a friend without thinking of who it’s with, love without expecting, and be the best person I can possibly be without focusing on the failures I’ll undoubtedly encounter. It’s what I need. It’s not exciting, and it doesn’t involve drama. In a lot of ways, it’s perfect, though. I’ll write what I love and not worry about what a single soul thinks of it. That, within itself, is going to be a relief, and at the end of the day, all any decent writer can do is write what’s in their soul. How could I ask anything more of myself? I’ll also love in a realistic way. I’ll find the good qualities in the people around me and find ways to spend time with the people who truly love me. That’s the amazing thing about love. It’s not about what a person can do for you. In some ways, love is born in silence. It’s grabbing a hand, a look, a realization, and a contentment that can’t be explained by anyone. It isn’t born in the moments where we’re at our loudest or at the most exciting times. It’s born in those quiet moments when we realize that we would rather be sitting with one certain person doing nothing than be anywhere else in the world.