Time Passed

   I’m writing this at 4:30 in the morning. I need to be asleep because I’ve got a lot of things to do tomorrow, but I’ve been thinking about some stuff. I have all of these really great memories and fun stories to tell people, but they’re further away than I realized until recently. Drunken nights, fights, spontaneous romantic feelings, long talks about the people we’re going to become, and days playing the guitar poorly with my best friends have gone by in a haze. My story about singing and falling off of a pool table happened a decade ago. It’s hard to believe that. My first love was nine long years ago, and a lot of time has passed since I completely lost any shot with her. Stories of me and my friends sneaking into luxury boxes in Memphis, hanging out with Theory of a Dead Man, or meeting Avenged Sevenfold are long over. In fact, most of those things happened before I was even 21.

   I think that after I turned 21 I started approaching life differently. I didn’t want to drink anymore, and I didn’t feel the need for more crazy nights that I could laugh about later. I didn’t want spontaneous love that couldn’t last either. I wanted the real thing. I felt like I needed “the girl” and “the best friend.” No one outside of those imagined people mattered anymore. Here’s the thing, though. I miss that guy who only hung out with me because we both liked tequila a little too much, and I miss that girl who was only out with me because neither of us had anything better to do. Most of all, I think I miss being unpredictable. I miss not knowing what was going to happen every day of my life. Security is a thing that we all think we want. We want to know what’s around the bend and what people will be by our side for it. When you have that, though, it’s really odd. You miss life just happening to you. Maybe that sounds weird. You’re probably thinking how can life do anything but happen to you? It’s not like you can predict everything that’s going to happen. Here’s the thing. If you plan too much for what type of person “the girl” has to be, what type of friends you want, what your career needs to look like each year, and what life path you’re going to take in every year of your life, then everything about your life becomes suddenly secure and predictable. It also becomes a little dull, though, so here’s what I’m proposing for myself. Over the last two years, I made goals each year. The first year, I made a goal to release at least 6 books. I succeeded and found a new career. The second year, I decided that it was time I had a house of my own. I have that, and I love it. At the end of this year, though, I’m not making a goal. I would normally say that the next step in my development was for me to find the right woman to share my life with, but I don’t want her to be just another box that I check. I don’t want her to have to live up to what I picture in my head either. The people in our lives aren’t any more perfect than we are. At some point, I think I started trying to be too perfect. I stopped doing immature things, and that’s not necessarily a bad thing, but in the process, I think I lost fun Mitch. I miss that guy, and I want him back. I’m going to keep my morals close and my faith even closer as I go through life, but I’m also making a conscious choice to loosen up a bit. If I can’t hold myself to an impossibly high standard anymore, then I don’t think I should hold others to it either. Come whatever may is my new outlook. I want new friends, and I want to date without any intentions of anything going past that date. I think that’s the best way to live life. Let the girl of your dreams surprise you one day, but don’t stop enjoying life while you’re waiting. Whether you’re enjoying a one time date, watching the game with friends, getting to know someone’s most inner feelings, or simply enjoying a bottle of tequila with someone who doesn’t want to be anywhere else, savor it. We only get an opportunity to be with so many people in this world, so make every interaction, whether meaningless or with great purpose, something that you could smile and tell a story about. Be the person who laughs, cries, and fights for those who choose to spend their time with you, and realize that even the superficial relationships in your life have purpose. We’re not alive to always overthink every moment, and those relationships that don’t have a future or that simply consist of two people with nothing better to do are there to give us a smile and some amazing stories. Here’s to not getting married and to being less stable to the outside world but more at peace within than you could ever hope to be. I’m not perfect, and I’m not going to find the perfect life. I’m okay with that now, though. Perfection can get pretty boring. For now, I think I’m just happy being a man who never has clean socks, hangs out with some questionable but good hearted characters, and doesn’t wait for “the one” to show up out of nowhere. I’ll be much too busy living the way we’re meant to. We’re not meant to worry our lives away, and my worry stops here. I’m going back to being me, and whatever the future holds . . . I guess I’ll just find out. :)