A Birthday Tribute To Me!

   All right, I’m twenty-five today, and no one’s going to write me the tribute that I deserve, so I guess that I’m going to have to do it myself. (Joking) So without further ado, I bring to you the top ten lists of my greatest achievements and most epic fails.

Greatest Achievements

10. Did a backward dunk to impress a girl when I was a teenager. (I had never done or attempted one before then, and I’ve never been able to replicate it since. I think that God might have saved me from looking like a fool that day.)

9. Lost 60 pounds (Yes, I know that what you weigh isn’t important, but it was hard to lose that weight!)  

8. Made a perfect score at my first piano recital.

7. Been a part of a football team that beat someone who hadn’t been beaten in two years.

6. Achieving a 4.0 in multiple semesters in college. (Yes, I’m a nerd.)

5. Beating the number one person in the world in a game of Madden. (Once again, nerd!)

4. Went to Europe and opened my mind to new things . . . especially gelato!

3. Being a part of the perfect kiss in the rain.

2. Wrote six books in six months. (How is my mind not fried? Oh, wait! It is.)

1. Accepted Jesus Christ as my savior.

Epic fails

10. While attempting to score my first touchdown, I had the ball literally hit me in the head and bounce off. It wasn’t funny, but plenty of people laughed.

9. Fell for a woman who was literally the total opposite of me and actually expected things to work out. I seriously question how intelligent I was when I was sixteen.

8. Refused to buy an autographed game used Jersey card of Drew Brees because, “that guy will never be that good.”

7. Had the most awkward and terrible first kiss in history, and yes, it was my fault.

6. Allowed a friend to drive my car the day after I got it . . . it was in the shop the next day.

5. Failing to ever learn more than “semana uno” in Spanish class. That means "week one."

4. Attempting to play a song in church when I had never looked over the music.

3. Drinking too much and deciding that it would be a good idea to lie down in the bathtub while the shower was on. My foot was over the drain, and the water was rising rapidly. Can you say death by drowning in the bath tub because that’s exactly what almost happened.

2. Saw the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen across a road. She smiled at me and gave me a look that seemed very inviting. I never thought twice about what I needed to do. I immediately started to walk across the street while never taking my eyes off her. Before I even reached the road, I felt a pain in my head and found myself lying on the ground. I had walked straight into a stop sign, and if I hadn’t done that, I would have walked out in front of a bus. She and her friends simply laughed at me. To say the least, I didn’t go talk to her that day, and it was one of the worst epic fails of my life. If you’re reading this, extremely hot girl, please get in touch with me. I won’t walk into anything else again. I promise.

1. I’m sure that you’ve had an automobile accident, and some of you may have even had a housing accident. A few of you might have had a boating accident, too. Well, I’ve had one of all of these. The catch is that they happened at the same time. When I was first learning to drive, I was backing out of the garage, and I had the music on extremely loud, so I didn’t notice when the side of my parent’s car was scraping the edge of the garage. I didn’t notice that my dad’s boat was behind me either. I backed directly into it, and then when I tried to pull forward, I hit the house again. I had no idea how to explain it to my parents at the time, and honestly, I still don’t know how I managed to do that much damage in about ten seconds. I would have loved to have seen the insurance guy’s face when he got that claim, though.