All Nighters

It’s been a long day. I’ve worried about sales, how to increase sales, and if this is something I can do long term. The truth is that today has been full of nothing but worry over something I can’t change. Sales are doing well, but the worry that this won’t be sustainable is something that scares the hell out of me. Sorry for being crude there, but that’s just how I feel. I’ve made a decision. Tonight there will be no sales . . . or at least if there are I won’t be seeing them. I find myself looking at my sales page every few minutes. Tonight, I say no more. I’m going to go back to what I know. I’m going to write all night long. That’s what I’m good at. I’m not a promoter. I’m a writer. As a writer, I’m going to go back to the basics and do the only thing that has ever been natural to me. I’m going back to the “lab” again or at least that’s what I’ve come to think of a certain room in the house where I lock myself away from the rest of the world. It’s strange. When I’m in that room, I’m more alone than I ever am otherwise, but I’m also free. Maybe everyone has a comfort zone like that. There are no expectations in that room, there are no judgments, and most of all, there are no people. That last statement sounds unhealthy, but here’s the truth. I don’t quite know how I fit in with people. I always felt like I could figure out the most complex problems in school. Then something as complicated as writing a book became a breeze to me. How is it that simple socialization makes me so uneasy? I almost feel socially retarded. Maybe it’s just who I am. I can’t relate to people, but I can relate to the worlds I build in my mind and put on paper. I hope that others can relate to that world, too. I think we all have that safe place where we lock ourselves away at. Is it unhealthy? Yes, it probably is. Would I get rid of it if I could? No, I wouldn’t, and you shouldn’t either. Find what you love, and do it. That all sounds simplified, but that’s what I need tonight. It’s back to the basics. Maybe we should all go back to the basics because in my experience everything else is just a headache.