Souls

So I just finished editing my third book, Wrong Life. I think it’s probably my favorite book out of what I’ve written so far. I could honestly go on about it forever because it’s so personal to me, but I won’t. I would end up spoiling too much, and no one wants to hear about the third book in a series before they’ve read the first and second ones. What I really wanted to talk about today is kind of an odd subject. I want to talk about how I’ve never truly changed since I was a kid. I don’t know if that’s normal or if it’s something that’s kind of odd. I’ve always heard the expression “people change.” Now, when I normally hear it, people are talking about how someone who used to be a terrible person has become so much better and how no one should judge them. That’s not really what I’m talking about, though. Sure, there are bad things that I used to do that I no longer do, and there are bad things that I didn’t do before that I do now. Those are actions. I mean on a much deeper level than even actions. I’m talking about thoughts, desires, and personality. My inner monologue has never changed and neither have the things that I loved. I’ve always struggled to find things in common with others who were my own age. While they were outside playing, I was writing, playing or listening to music, or playing a video game. As we got older those things never changed. Everyone followed a pattern. They went through certain steps that, as far as I can tell, are just the norm. They all acted the same, went to the same parties, pursued careers that they had never said anything about wanting, and then married around the same age. Sometimes, I just wonder. Have I missed a step or is everyone the same deep down. Do our actions change but the core stays the same or am I the only one. My instinct is still to write when I’m hurt, to listen to music when I’m sad, and to live around anything and everything that makes me think. I still dream big. My inner thoughts don’t revolve around something that I consider to be modest, and no I’m not talking about money. I’m talking about life. I still want to write stories that the best of me are in. I want to listen to music that’s passionate and unrealistic to most. Most of all, I still need to be around people who know that their best days are in front of them. I don’t crave normality. I crave something that’s exceptional with someone who is exceptional. When I love, I still love like I’m fourteen, and when I get excited or nervous about something, I still react that same way in my head. It doesn’t always show on the surface, but I’m the same guy that I always was. I need love, passion, creativity, and most of all a little variation every day. I don’t know if that’s normal. Maybe I need to grow up and get with it. It seems like most people have taken the less is more philosophy in life from what I can see. My question to myself and to others is if that is what I’m going to become. Does all passion and creativity eventually get sucked out of all of us or is it a choice. Maybe it’s an act. A part of me hopes that all of our actions change because they must as we get older, but our instincts and our souls stay the same because without those dreams, individuality, and creativity, I don’t know how any of it is truly worth it. That all may come off as depressing. It’s not, though. It’s just a passing thought. The truth is that even if I wanted to change into what I see around me, I couldn’t. I’ve always felt as if who I am is simply in my soul. It’s not changeable, and I didn’t know if others felt this way. A lot of things can alter actions. Religion and people can do these things, but I don’t believe anything can alter instinct. All the good and all the bad are just me, and strangely enough, even if I don’t always voice it, I like all of it. I used to think that we are what we do, but lately I’ve discovered that there could be nothing further from the truth. We are who we are when we go to that secret place in our minds that no one else knows about or at least that’s what I’ve come to believe.